I ref my school's intermural basketball league on monday nights. Its a show of very unskilled basketball players, playing a very sloppy, ugly style of basketball. Thankfully, almost all the guys who play have positive attitudes. which makes my job a ton easier. Infact, most play only because its a pretty good time and there isn't really commitment involved. show up once a week. When i was a sophmore and was asked to ref, i excepted only because it would be a good and easy way to get some community service hours in. At the start of this season, i wasn't looking forward to reffing again because that means on monday nights i put in a 13.5 hour day at school. But tonight i saw one of the coolest things i have seen in a long time. This new sr. student who moved up north from East Minneapolis, has a learning disibility and is partially mentally disabled. He is by far the most positive, upbeat, smiley kid i have ever met. His locker is right next to mine, so we get to talk fairly often during the day. Carl pointed out his mom to me while he was warming up on the court, so i figured i'd go talk with her. We had a good chat, nothing special. Moving on. Carl banked in a 20 foot bank shot in the first half. The whole gym cheered, it was so awesome! He was overjoyed! He ran down the court as if he had just hit the game winner in the NBA finals. At the next dead ball, Carl gave high fives to all the players on both teams, and just about every person in the crowd. An especially big one to mom and dad. my eye's misted, seeing him so happy. It reminded me of my brother Brent when he played for the school. My brother Brent is a 20 year old with Down syndrom. He had to average more points per minute played than any kid ever to set foot on a court. Brent banked in more 3 point shots in his middle school basketball career then most kids bank in in a lifetime. And every time he put one down, the entire crowd (the homecrowd, and the visiting crowd) all stood and cheered. It always brought my mom to tears. And even though i'd never admit it, it always made me keep my head low so no one could see mine. The joy Brent and Carl expirence by doing something as simple as putting a ball through a hoop infront of a few people is beautiful. I now can't wait for next monday to see Carl play again. Even if he never hits another shot for the rest of the year, i will never forget the expression of his face after knocking that shot down. Thank you Carl for reminding me that Basketball should be played EXCLUSIVELY for the enjoyment of the game. Thank you Carl for playing for the love of the game.

in the deepest part of my heart, i feel that the Catholic church is right for me. it just feels like home. in reading other churches doctrines, the latest being the Evengelical, i have found that they sound solid. i can totally see how and why people attend them. i recently went to an Evengelical service, and truely enjoyed myself. the preaching was by far the best i'd ever heard. the minister's ability to relate the readings to us was phenominal. but after the service was over, i felt....like something was missing. like it shouldn't quite be finished yet. and no sooner had i finished that thought did i realize they didn't recieve communion. there was everything else, but no communion. my dad is lutheran, and i've been to a few of his services, so it's not like i haven't gone to a service and not taken communion, but that just happened to be the first time that i truely realized how important that part of mass is to me.

Last night i got to hang out with one of my closest friends, rachel. she is an amazing person. She grew up in California and moved here a few years ago when her dad decided to bring his church here. Her dad is the Evengelical minister that i heard preach. That mans ability to preach is a gift from God. Rachel is the lead singer of the two bands i'm in, "rigid silence" and "stones cry" her voice is out of this world. Her range is unheard of, her harmony is amazing, and her ability to learn a song in a matter of no time boggles my mind. Rachel is very knowledgeable with scripture and is only a soph in hs. she has studied it since she was very young. we have forced eachother to grow in our faith by the questions we bring forth to one another. questions like, "how does the Catholic church believe in the sacrament of confession, after reading Hebrews 8-10?" or "how can you deny the Eucarist being real after reading John 6:52-59?" have really made us dig deep to find what we truely believe. we've acually had phone conversations go to 4am about theology and our churches. the catholic catechism has been increadably helpful when i have questions arise. in my short life, the select few "set in stone" christians my age that i have met have all been Catholic. And a major part of their relationship with Christ has been through the Eucharist. for the longest time i couldn't understand how non-catholics could develop a faith to the same degree of an "on fire" catholic. After meeting Rachel, i've realized that the way Catholics seem to get caught on fire is the Eucarist. The way others become "engulfed in the flame" is not necissarily less than the Eucarist, just different. I view it like this-who is the better athlete, Michael Jordan or Michael Phelps? (the swimmer who tore up the Olympics.) two athletes that are a step above everyone else involved in their sport. MJ has the gift of basketball. His body was in increadable condition in his prime, but i would venture to say that if you put him in a pool and put him through MP's work out, he'd drown somewhere in the deep end. Just as if you put some Nike's on MP, and had him do MJ's work out, his body would feel decimated the next morning. MJ's drowning doesn't mean that he wasn't an increadable athlete, Rachel not recieveing the Eucarist doesn't mean that she can't have a truely intimate relationship with Christ. Michael Phelps aching body the day after his work out doesn't mean the guy is out of shape, it just means his form of athletisism is different than michael J's. Both are amazing athletes**, Both Rachel and i believe Christ is our Savior, making us both Christians** i now realize that while the Eucarist is true, and a necesity for myself, someone not recieveing the Eucarist regularily is not any less of a Chrisitan or less connected with God becuase they don't recieve it themselves.

I hope that made sence.

i just need to create a message to see if this system is workin, thats all.

blessings have been poured onto me like water poured onto someone under niagra falls. I cannot figure out why He has given me so much. when i sit down to think about it, it gives me an almost unworthy, almost gilty feeling that i take such advantage of it. My beautiful family, who is composed of Dad (mike) mom (julie ann) 20 year old brother (brent) and 15 year old sister (jill) have given me all i could ask for. And i feel it's obvious i haven't given enough back. so on what premisis do they keep giving? why does God continue to bless such a sinful man who claims to be a "man of God." Yea, i try to be, and work at, and pray for being a man of God, but i fail on a daily basis. I guess all i can do is question less, and be greatful more.

a few times i have completely lost myself in how much he has given me. while completely absorbed in his graciousness, i have noticed how ungreatful i am. It, saddly, has taken eye opening reading and seeing to understand how much i am blessed. i just recently did a paper on the program "One." its headed by U2's bono and is a fight against world starvation and severe poverty. its an incredable program that has changed the lives of millions. it you haven't heard about it, please check out their site at www.one.org its inspiring. anywayz, while i was researching this, and finding out information i realized how much i do have. living in this middle to upper class town where poverty is hidden and almost kept a secret, i have been disillusioned into thinking that there's only poverty in the ghettos of chicago, LA, and new york. just last weekend i moved some furniture into a house where there were 6 kids with a mom and no dad. the dad broke the mom's back by stomping on it when she said she was leaving him. He's now in prison. these 6 gorgeous kids, ageing from 5 years-1 month, wear the same clothes almost everyday, sleep on the wood floor, and have next to nothing. yet i have never seen such happy kids in my entire life. they played, laughed and danced with eachother continuously while the mother sat on thier one couch and fed the baby. i didn't get to talk to any of them much. we were in and out of there fairly quickly, but i was in there long enough to see, a thousand feet from our school lived a woman with a night job who had 6 kids and next to nothing.. and here i sit complaining when i have to buy new guitar strings. pretty pathetic. i now think about that family often. especially when thoughts of "woe is me" arise. why has God given me, and not someone else, all he has? i don't know. i can't figure it out. what i do know is i'm no where near worthy of any of it, and i am ever so greatful for all of it..